This much we’ve been able to deduce is true: Boyles’ basement, mid 1990s, Boo was playing Nintendo on the old Zenith Television set when Tim moved silently up behind him with a drawn standard issue USMC tactical knife, or “KA-BAR“, in his hand. Tim then grabbed Boo’s forehead, pulled his head back and pressed the blunt back edge of the KA-BAR against Boo’s exposed throat. The situation escalated to bloodshed when the uncomfortable and disoriented Boo reached up to pull away whatever Tim was holding against his neck and grabbed the sharp edge of the KA-BAR, cutting open his hand. Boo then fled the scene “howling”.
These are the questions we’re still trying to ascertain:
-Was Steve there? If not, where was he?
-Is Boo’s skin weaker than an apple, since Tim holds that his KA-BAR can’t cut an apple?
-Did Josh intentionally or accidentally turn off Boo’s game of Master Blaster?
-Is it true that Tim “did it for no good reason”, as Boo insists?
-What did Steve’s cousin Leslie get for Christmas that year?
One redheaded witness, who “wasn’t there for it” but is a lawyer, was quite certain the whole thing went something like this:
Tim: “I think I’ll go put my Ka-Bar against Boo’s throat.”
Tim’s conscience (The voice of Keith from Voltron): “Why would you want to do something like that?”
Tim: “No good reason.”
Tim’s conscience: “Say no more sir! I’m sure only good will come from this.”
Tim: “Thanks conscience. You’ve never led me wrong before!”
Moments Later:
Boo: “What the HECK! . . . Oh, it’s just blood, no biggie, I’ve bled before.”
Boo’s conscience (the voice of the General from the Iron Giant): “The heck it’s just blood! That’s from your hand! How are you going to play Nintendo now, Mansly!?”
Boo: WhaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
The investigation into this incident continues.